First off, I decided that I am going to put off the Dear Mr. President post for awhile...it was good, but I've totally lost interest. For now. He will eventually piss me off, or something else will happen in our very backwards, infantile, stupid society that I can point at him, or our governor, or someone else who considers themselves to be infinitely superior in their wisdom only to actually be screwing over our country.
Nonetheless, something else of import has been on my mind lately...my upcoming move...
Some of you don't know the whole back story, so here is a recap. I got married ... YOUNG!!! Like at 20 years old. Or was it 21? Don't really remember cause it was like a hundred years ago. I didn't get married cause I had to (ie, she wasn't knocked up...I know...hard for some to understand in this part of the country), but because I was blinded with love. I know, sounds hokey, but its the way it is.
Anywho, during the 9 years that we were hitched, we managed to reproduce, and I have a wonderful, talented, and beautiful daughter. In the end, our marriage ended about 5 years ago. It wasn't something bad...we went our separate ways, and decided to put the interest of our daughter first, and managed to end up as friends. Sure it was tough, and I talked some serious shit, as did she, but as of today, we are good friends, and our daughter has never had to endure fighting, divorced parents. But that whole mess is another story.
About a year and a half ago, she met a guy...lets call him dumbass...primarily because I am not too fond of him, but he made Connie (my ex) happy (and he WON'T end up on the cast list because he's out of the picture...more on that later), so I let it go. In the process of their relationship, he moved to Denver, Colorado (much to my happiness) and they began a year long, long distance relationship. She traveled back and forth to Denver, climbed mountains, went hiking, etc. and basically fell in love with Denver. She has always been an outdoorsy person, and I'm glad she found something that keeps her happy. She decided awhile back that she wants to move out of San Antonio. There are many reason why, but the primary reason is (and I happen to agree with her) is that we are not so sure that we want her raised in a part of the country where its is fashionable to be knocked up at 15. If you look it up, South Texas is a place high on the charts for teen pregnancy. And, sadly, I don't want to end up in prison because I maimed and killed the boy who put his hands on my child. But I digress.
Obviously, her chosen location for moving was Denver, Colorado, and, even though I don't want to admit it, I understand her choosing of that location...why should she not want to be near her boyfriend. And Denver is not all that bad...I guess.
HOWEVER...about 2 months ago, she and dumbass when their separate ways. That is, she dumped him. Not that I will admit it to her, but I was a little happy about that. Please don't think that I was happy because another man was not longer with my ex-wife...I am so past that...I was happy because I didn't care for the way he assumed that he was going to be my daughters new daddy...me and Amy are VERY close...and she even told him that he wasn't going to be her new daddy, but he persisted (which is the reason that I didn't like him). So, when she kicked him to the curb, I was pretty happy about her decision. However, her desire to move to Denver didn't go away with the dumping of the looser.
Back to the present...
With dumbass out of the way, I figured that Connie's desire to transplant across the country to Denver would be out the window. Not so. She still wants to move there because she is in love with the mountains, and she wants to get the hell out of Texas. Here is the clencher...while we are divorced, we do share joint custody of our daughter. We share her outright, and she doesn't feel the strife of our divorce. She has grown up with mommy and daddy, and me and my daughter are very tight. Either way, Texas ALWAYS favors the mom, and in the process of divorce, she was granted custodial parent.
For those of you not familiar with the concept of joint custody, each parent is assigned a role...one is the custodial parent and the other is non-custodial parent. All of the rights are exactly same save one...the custodial parent gets to decide where the kiddo lives. She has the "right." While she has discussed it with me, and she didn't have to, she has decided that when she moves, Amy is going with her. Kinda leaves me in a position that I am not at all happy with. I can stay here and Amy becomes an airplane child, or I can pack up and follow along so I can see my child everyday like I do now. Its really not a tough choice.
To further complicate things, I agreed to spend a week in Denver with Connie and Amy so that I could see the sites and see what I thought of Denver. I had been there once during my 2nd year of college, but as we were there on a competition, we really didn't get to do much but compete. I spend the week in Denver over spring break this year, and I had a great time!! I got to see my sister, see the sites, check out the night life, and look around at different locations and job opps. Just made things harder. And I actually happen to like Denver. But I also have several reasons to stay in SA.
I do have reservations, and many people aren't happy with my pending decision. There are some pros and cons to this whole mess
Pro's to moving out of SA
- There are MANY bad memories in San Antonio from a previous "relationship" that I endured for way too long. I am still feeling the burn from it, and it would be very nice to move to a location where I don't run into people and places where I am reminded of it all the time. Even better, I stand NO chance of running into the person with whom I had this relationship. It was long, it was bad, and I'm better to be out of it...but its still in my face.
- The post SWISD fallout is still happening. Another long story, but I left my job at my last high school teaching position under less that good conditions. No, I didn't molest anyone, nor did I steal, lie, or cheat. I just had a difference of opinion with a now-school board member on what constitutes a teachers personal life, and look where we are now. Nonetheless, this, tripled with the fact that we are in an recession, teachers are being laid off left and right, and the fact that I have a Masters degree (I am told way too often I am over qualified), finding a job here has been less than successful. I work, but it's not enough to make end meet.
- My sister is in Denver. Me and my sister are VERY close!!! I was so happy to get to see her and her husband when I visited Denver over spring break, and I do not have any family close to me where I live now, so having her close would be a very nice change.
- Of course, the single most important reason that Denver is where my beloved daughter will be living.
Con's to moving out of SA
- I love my job here. I work as an adjunct at the highest level an adjunct can go at a local vocational school, and I have grown to love my students and coworkers, and, yes, even my boss. But it has taken me 5 years to get to the position I am in. Do you have any idea how hard it is to train a dean? Especially my dean? I don't have to justify my decisions anymore (ie, I am trusted), and I actually have students who request me as their teacher! I love being there. Now, there are branches of this campus all over the USA, and I can even transfer to the branch in Denver, but I will still be starting over at this school (my 5 years transfers, but the trust and relationships with faculty, staff, and administration do not).
- I have developed some relationships with some people here that I don't want to abandon. Since I do not have family in this part of the state (the closest that I am close to is my mom, dad, brother and nephew whom all live in Lubbock where I grew up), I have made friends here that are my surrogate family. Vinnie, Frenchy, Shanna, Shannon, Anti and cheeks, and even my boys at my favorite bar have all become very important to me. Most of these people have become like family, and they support me in all my (mis)adventures, and I them. I will miss them terribly, and I dread starting over building relationship with people in any form or fashion.
- If I don't move, my kiddo will have to become an airplane child, or I will have to spend ohhkoos of money I don't have to fly back and forth to see her. I have been with her practically every day since she was born, even through the divorce, and I refuse to have that taken away by a thousand miles.
Go forth and do great things.
Comment to Original Post:
Josh N Cheri Rodriguez · Works at Oliver W Holmes High School
You are one hell of a dad. While you are a great person and a great friend none of those titles compare to the type of dad that you are. Leaving SA (assuming the move occurs) will be tough but I cant ever recall change being easy in my life but I do know that whatever challenges change has brought, I have have always overcome them and I believe you can too. Have fun with your daughter, I know that's the choice I would make. Good luck buddy!